Who We Are

I come from a long line of caretakers, those that would sit with empathy and restraint. Concoctions and elixirs emerge from generations to spring forth a balance. Hands to provide, words to encourage and nurture. These motions to cure the ones we love with a heart pulled in every possible direction. We are supposed to be strong, to lay vigilant in darkness, acutely aware of the rise and fall of a chest. A flowchart of questions and answers from light to dark, monitoring, regulating.    New systems and rituals slowly begin to fold over within themselves, creeping within your daily life. This is what it has become? Months of visual consumption, what to do, what to watch out for, and all of a sudden it was here.  How do you begin to prepare for the unknown expedition you are about to embark on? With fearful trepidation? Like some modern dark horse, I try to provide while balancing my own life on a tray. This too is important, for there is much at stake.  ...

  The difference between taking a chance or sitting on your hands is quite relative, but within that vacuum of relativity, a truth lies waiting. Whether or not a chance is taken or a move is rejected, the mindset of pushing forward is the bigger winner. Grind and grit are marvelous choices, indeed, brave characteristics, but as all truths fall and reside on a spectrum, so does a capacity to choose.  Finding oneself between the nooks and crannies of this universe, and all beyond, begins, not in the wind, not in one's incessant ability to bark towards audiences not listening, but where being has always resided.  He always has been and always will be, and we as a creation, are without an excuse. Yet, we are set with the yoke of light and peace. As the sun shines on our faces, so has His word. And as our hearts have made moves, left, right, or center, He has searched us all. Let Him not find a brain that knows scripture, and a heart far from those words. Let us ask to be used...

All of the layers begin to unfold as we trudge on, after leaving the stage, we walk 20 feet over to our house, I don’t remember what we did. Many of our close friends come to us offering love and support. They come over and over again. The church would hold a healing service later on that evening that Kevin and I have no clue about, even though we are the reason for it. We are not invited to participate, and only find out later through friends saying how much meaning and comfort it brought them. I smile and nod, distancing myself emotionally from the absolute uprooted nature of my relationship with the church. How strange, to be a central part of something, and then not, and then be shut out of a process of healing. I stand outside of this process, intentionally or not, and feel very still. This stillness is not peace or understanding but a universal effort to keep both feet on the ground as the world has in no way stopped to accommodate me.  Everything in our lives to...